Dating Disasters 101


I have a beef. Actually it’s a something that’s been brewing for a long time and to be honest I am just plain pissed off. With whom? Well, it’s not specifically ONE person but rather a whole gender–the male one to be exact.

 Disclaimer to this blogI know not EVERY guy is like the following but humor me for awhile (if you’re one of the good ones, i’m sorry).

Let me tell you about my recent experiences be it dating or other (names and specifics are changed so don’t try and figure out if you know the person). This may also give you some insight into why I hate dating.

The following events have taken place within the past few months and are based on true events:

Harry: Seems like a nice guy. He asks me out, I accept…simple right? We have a relatively good time (o.k. maybe I was a little bored by his stories of all the stupid things he did when he was younger, but you gotta put up with some of that because they all have them). I agree to go out again. After about the 3rd or 4th time (plus phone calls, MSN conversations, etc.) I find out accidentally that this guy has a girlfriend! I stress the word “accidentally” because he most definitely never mentioned her and it’s a fluke that i even found out. Turns out I’m the girl he’d like to cheat on his girlfriend with. Don’t I feel special…

Randy: Nice guy, have known him a little longer than the last one. We are friends and that is all (well, MOSTLY just friends, with the occasional benefit or two). Randy eventually started dating someone new (no problem yet) and we continue the just friendship track. One night after spending some time together a couple months ago Randy edges across that invisible friendship line again but thankfully we are both wise enough not to go there. I am actually sort of proud of him for keeping his hands to himself to be honest.  However, later the same night I walk into a room to find him hitting on a very good friend (no mistaking it, trust me)! The story gets a little messy from here on out, but let’s just say the friendship never recovered.

Marvin (yep, these names are my revenge): Nice guy (notice a pattern?) that I have known for a very long time, though perhaps not very well. One night at a local pub we run into one another and get to chatting. One thing leads to another and before long we are talking until the wee hours of the morning. He kisses me and we have a fabulous night leaving it without any sort of conclusion because he lives in a different province. Had the story ended there, there would be no problem however the next day (surprise surprise) I find out HE HAS A GIRLFRIEND (oh how useful Facebook has proven to be!)!! Yet another guy who is looking to cheat on his girlfriend (and no, he never called).

Francis: Nice guy, barely know him. Actually he’s one of those people whose face you know but with whom you have never actually had a conversation. One day I run into him at the grocery store and we have a very long conversation. After that it seems I keep running into him everywhere I go and I am getting that “I think you’re special” sort of vibe. At this point, let me just say that I could care less about the vibe as my track record has been less than descent so far (there are others just as bad but there’s not enough blog space in the world to really start on those ones). I am at the point where I dread initiating conversation with them because I know it’s only a matter of time before I find out what an idiot they are. That being said, I am a nice girl who doesn’t want to judge others and an eternal optimist at that. I run into Francis again and again until finally one day he asks me to go to the beach. We have mutual friends who are going and I agree. I say I’ll be there so I force myself to go later even though I am dreading it and desperately want to stay at home to watch the Office.  I arrive to the beach and immediately he greets me. So far so good. We talk for a few minutes when suddenly he puts his shoes on and says “I’ll be right back in about 10 minutes.” then proceeds to jump in his car and drive away.

“That’s odd.” I think to myself but continue to have a good time at the beach anyway.

Francis never returned.

Seriously, WHO DOES THAT????!!!

At this point it’s just plain funny to me. It’s not just guys I have dated but friends, acquaintances, strangers…that are all shaping up to be complete morons. Did I not notice them before or is there more of them now? Are they taking over the world? Have they ganged up to make my life hell?  But most of all…

Are there any good ones left?

This past birthday I had a very distinct thought that went a little like this: “I think that I’m a grown-up now.” And for the first time in my life I actually feel like one…However, it turns out that they are just not growing up with me and my patience for their immature ways is growing increasingly low.

That’s my rant for tonight because I am tired and annoyed. Hopefully I will have some more encouraging things to write in the future.


17 Responses to “Dating Disasters 101”

  1. 1 Ryan September 8, 2007 at 5:53 pm

    one of my best friends had this line on her MSN a lot:

    “Boys are dumb. Throw rocks at them.”

    I can’t try and defend my gender…as they are often undefendable (a world?).

    I will say this – you’re getting hit on and getting dates – you’re a hot mama! Take the positive, I say! At least you have the ability to root out deadbeats and liars…many women don’t!

  2. 2 shelleyperry September 9, 2007 at 1:50 am

    ooh. yeah, i like the rock throwing idea! thanks for the advice. I suppose i should feel good about the getting hit on and getting dates thing but I at this point i’d rather just stay home then be messed with.

  3. 3 Teressa September 10, 2007 at 2:07 pm

    Girl, I wish I had some advise for ya! I do have Sangsters for the next time you’re home – coffee and Jamaican Rum – my new addiction and one that I’m sure you’ll love.

    Be well, and I have some rocks in my collection that I can lend you!

  4. 4 shelleyperry September 10, 2007 at 2:30 pm


    Thanks for the encouragement…i can’t wait to have some drinks with you! Be thankful you are not in the dating game anymore, it’s no fun!!

  5. 5 Brianmpei September 10, 2007 at 2:38 pm

    Shelley, Shelley, Shelley.

    Harry: Cheating is such an ugly word. This is called ‘having options’, he’s probably been dumped so many times that he likes to keep his options open.

    Randy: I don’t understand. You shut him down and then get mad when he goes for the best friend? These kinds of mixed signals are what makes it so hard to be guys.

    Marvin: So he’s a bad guy because he met you and liked you and was attracted to you while he had a ‘technical girlfriend’? Guys need nurture Shelley, don’t blame us for that. Poor Marvin was probably trying to break up with his ‘technical girlfriend’ for a long time and likely thought he’d finally found a girl making it worth breaking up with her.

    Francis: So many possibilities here but the one I like is that he was so nervous about finally being with you that he freaked out and his disappearance was a sign of how excited he really is about getting to know you. We guys are far more insecure about dating than you girls are.

    Or he was eaten by a bear. Personally I like the bear story but, meh.

    Of course I think the fundamental problem is that you’ve never taken me up on my offer to do personal interviews with the guys who want to date you. Give it some more thought.

  6. 6 TJ September 10, 2007 at 3:27 pm

    Oooo..been there and have the stories…
    Short list of advise:
    1. Change your point of view….stop being the one hit on, and you be the one doing the shopping…you shop when you want, how you want, where you want…and the attention you’re getting….sure, accept it and enjoy it…and move on…just cuz they come sellin’ doesn’t mean you have to be buying…or taking any of the free samples.
    2. …”more encouraging things to write in the future”?? Sorry, they don’t get better with age. They just come up with more creative excuses that support their “Homeristics”.
    3. Don’t let anyone….a-n-y-o-n-e…do your screening…especially a guy…Why? See previous note.
    4. Take an obedience class for training dogs. You’ll find many useful tricks regarding training…and they really work!! And you’ll laugh so much when they do, your sides will hurt.
    5. Live life…don’t you dare miss a bit of it…He’s created so much for you to see and do…the rest will happen.
    6. Carry a stick…you’ll run out of rocks.

  7. 7 Brianmpei September 10, 2007 at 5:49 pm

    TJ – ESPECIALLY a guy???

  8. 8 TJ September 10, 2007 at 6:09 pm

    A guy’s interpretation of the events may help to see why:

    Cheating is “having options”.
    Mixed signals when you say “no” to someone who is otherwise involved.
    Guys with technical girlfriends need nurture.
    Eaten by a bear.

    Eaten by a bear?
    Well, one can only hope…

  9. 9 shelleyperry September 10, 2007 at 7:31 pm

    Brian–not sure I want to dignify any of that with a response…you’re supposed to be on MY SIDE remember? I will let you screen my dates around the time when hell freezes over (unless you pay me a lot of money or get me a date with John Mayer)

    T.J.–thanks for the advice. Experience definitely counts for something, though i’m disappointed they don’t get any better with age. I’m signing up for obedience classes ASAP!

  10. 10 brianmpei September 10, 2007 at 8:55 pm

    Wow, secrets of the YaYa Mafia. I guess you just can’t joke around about some things. I should’ve followed Ryan’s lead on this one.

    Seriously though, as promised before, I’ll rough these guys up for you, just make the call.

  11. 11 sweetlybroken September 11, 2007 at 2:34 pm

    I absolutely agree with TJ’s #1, don’t forget to look for a”specially reduced” price sticker first.
    There is one other alternative but……………I tried really hard (honestly) to picture you with a habit, the look was good but there was something, hmmmm, not quite right about the complete picture, could have been the screaming.
    Have you read Brian’s blogs about his own dating life? Not pretty, get his oldest son to do the screening.

  12. 12 shelleyperry September 12, 2007 at 12:52 pm

    Sweetly: i tried to picture the habit as well and it wasn’t working for me… I will keep my eyes peeled for the reduced price stickers and ask Nathan to screen my dates from now on.

  13. 13 Melly September 13, 2007 at 1:26 pm

    Shell, I feel out of the loop with all this guy stuff…you should write an email and fill me in on the details of these events! Concerning any advice, I have none, except I do like the idea of throwing rocks at them. There would be something gratifying in that. Good outlet for anger. But do hang in there…I am positive there are still some good guys out there…and by the way I had another dream of you dating someone this week…though I forget now who it was, but he was nice. Two dreams in two weeks…maybe a sign of things to come?…:)

  14. 14 Barrett September 13, 2007 at 1:37 pm

    I’m glad that my rock idea has caught on. How I yearn for the days of stoning and public humiliation…you never did that bad deed twice 😉

  15. 15 Rachel September 15, 2007 at 5:42 pm

    “Boys are dumb. Throw rocks at them.”

  16. 16 October 25, 2007 at 1:15 am

    hehe! How did I miss this blog the first time around?! The original quote is “Boys are stupid, throw rocks at them” and was created by Todd Goldman.

    Here are some favourites:

    then of course:

    And my personal fav:


  17. 17 shelleyperry November 27, 2007 at 12:22 am

    Thanks Becks…that was therapeutic.

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