Passing the Time…

Well i’m back in St. Stephen after a two week long vacation in lovely PEI. I don’t think I have ever been so busy, ate so much, had so much wine, or saw so many people in such a short amount of time! Exhausting, but fun.  And it went by far too fast…

There is always a let down when something you have been looking forward to for so long is over. I can’t help but feel down and a little depressed everytime. It’s not just vacations and Christmas, and all the normal stuff….it’s anything really. It’s almost like the anticipation is better than the actual thing itself.

For example I got the new Harry Potter book this past weekend.  I have been waiting for like 2 years for this book (i’m TOTALLY one of those lame geeks who has read them all and watched all the movies and I don’t care what you say, i like it).  As I looked down at “The Deathly Hallows” in my hand and thought about all the secrets it contained that I have been wondering about for far too long (yes, i have no life), I surprisely felt a sense of dread. Once I finished the 600 plus page book it would all be over. This is THE LAST ONE EVER! Although most of me couldn’t wait to start reading, another part wanted to put the book on the shelf in the same way I often want to keep presents wrapped under the Christmas tree instead of opening them. Sometimes the fun is in not knowing.

Don’t worry, I didn’t put it on the shelf.  I tried to take my time reading it but no such luck. Last night I finished the book (don’t worry, I won’t give anything away) and I was sad. Not from the content but because something I was so excited about is over. It’s the same way I felt after the final episode of 24 this season (I TOLD you i need more adventure…). 

And now I am back to work and back to regular life (no more vacation, family, food, wine, and Harry Potter) and wondering what it’s all for anyway…these things we do just to “pass the time” that really don’t amount to anything in the end. I think I feel as though I am simply “passing the time” these days, but I suppose that’s common.

Well if you’ve read the book let me know what you think! If you think i’m a total loser for  joining the Harry Potter craze i’m o.k. with that because I know I kind of am.

Home

I’m on vacation, at home in Summerside, PEI.  This town is incredibly interesting from an outside point of view. In the winter it is all but lifeless. Everyone stays indoors and nothing happens. Teenagers get into trouble and old people complain about anything and everything.

But in the summer it’s a different story. If I wasn’t FROM here I might call it sort of magical I think. Among the many things I have packed in already in my week at home one included a movie.  You see, this town is on the sea and there is a park with a boardwalk all along the water. It’s beautiful really. On Friday nights they play movies outdoors in the park and I happened to attend the latest one with my sister. 

For a moment as I sat there it was like I didn’t know any better and was overcome by total awe. It was a warm evening and about 40 people gathered all over the grass to sit for the showing. The breeze was blowing and every star in the sky was visible–waves were quietly rolling into shore and you could smell the salt water mixing with the fresh smell of summer.  It was pretty stunning actually. This town is almost picturesque sometimes…

 Right now I am typing from my parents’ back deck…being attacked from all sides by vicious mosquitos. It is rare this week to have much time to write but i don’t mind. Last night I went to my cousin’s wedding.  They rented one of those huge tents and everyone drank and danced until 2 a.m. in the usual Perry style (or maybe it’s just “island style”). Everyone was home for it and currently we are sharing the house with my uncle and his partner who are home from Victoria, BC.  I love it.

 Today we had another family gathering (the other side) and we barbequed and played on the beach and ate and drank some more! It’s true that we are really lucky to call this place home.

If only we could get rid of these damn mosquitos…

Adventures in…?

   Sometimes I think my life lacks adventure.

To be clear, I am definitely NOT saying that it lacks drama. I have come to really dread drama–gossip, relational stress, and you know, all the character building stuff (as good as everyone says that is for you in the end). I am sure that all of that has caused me to grow in immense ways, but sometimes I just want some excitement. The thrill of something new.  Not something draining, hard, and long. Something now and something big.

The problem is I can’t figure out what that looks like for me. I think I spend a lot of time making guest appearances in other people’s adventures but still have yet to find my own. And everyday I feel a little bit like i’m disappearing while everyone else is in the midst of their own great exploit.

Tonight I did something rather rash. I looked in the mirror while putting my hair back, spontaneously picked up a pair of scissors and cut off the ponytail!  There in my hand laid 6 inches of hair! As I looked at it I immediately felt regret. I have been growing it for so long…however, in an instant, I decided to choose NOT to dwell on something that can’t be changed. I pushed through my instinct to cry and I went ahead with the transformation. Afterall, it’s just hair.

This is what happens when there is no adventure. I do very crazy things for no reason. I think we are all made for it and when we try to control, subdue, and squish our lives into what the world has deemed “proper” then maybe, just maybe, we miss out. 

I just wish I knew what I missing out on so I could go get it…

I can’t help but worry that perhaps I’m just too scared to really find that great adventure and so I keep myself somewhat complacent by doing things like cutting off all my hair and jumping in the ocean in January.

I envy you. Honestly, I’m jealous of everyone that is on an adventure that I am not a part of. That’s the truth and maybe it sounds terrible to admit but it’s how I feel–I want more. I want it all I guess.  I feel a bit like a cheerleader at a marathon, encouraging all the runners to make it to the finish line. And I wonder…when do I get to race?

Incidentally, I like my new do–no regrets.